i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
