we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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