Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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