: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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