Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
