What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
