Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
