Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
