Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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