I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
