I puked a lego.
one might say we're banned from that church
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
