Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
