hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
