Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We're too hungover to prance.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
