i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just google imaged poop.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
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Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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