Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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