is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
