Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
