went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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