Nicole vs. Life
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
