tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
