I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
