I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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