If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
