I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
