if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
