What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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