his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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