All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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