I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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