Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
