There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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