i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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