I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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