he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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