i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
okay pat passed out under dana's car
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize