Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
