i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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