R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
