Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
