Please, let me fuck your mom
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I think i got beer on your cat.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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