Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
