dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
