There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
