i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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