Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Randomize
