how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
