I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
