is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You can't just leave with hair like that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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