I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
