Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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