Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I pour the whiskey from now on
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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