I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
