He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
