Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
