Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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