I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im holly from the hills drunk
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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