Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
