No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
