Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
