When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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