a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
