if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
