Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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