I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
