$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
