i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
