I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
