my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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