Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
