Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize