Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
