I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
