Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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