So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
he puts the penis in happiness.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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