You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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