last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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