Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
