I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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