I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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